Do I love you
Or do I just desire the thought of loving you? Or love the thought of desiring you?
Have I ever loved anyone? Is that even possible for me to do?
I’m not afraid of being alone anymore- I know that will never happen. I am however afraid of being unhappy. But.. I’m realizing now that being afraid of being unhappy is in fact making me unhappy and preventing events in my life that could make me happy- from happening.
But that’s not the epiphany at hand.
So the question remains, do I love you?
Can’t say it’s too soon to tell- right? Because when you know, you know.
At least that’s what I’ve been told.
And you can’t force those feelings to come any faster. You should just know. You can’t wait- you can’t think too long about it- because then things get distorted and black and white areas turn all shades of gray. Then you worry if you’re making the right decision- double thinking- double guessing-playing games to test whether your or the others person’s intentions and feelings are true or worthy of each other. You over think everything and at some point- you become a different person.
I don’t want that to happen- that’s not exactly the version of the game of life I wish to participate in.
Do I need to be loved? Absolutely. Should that be the case? No- probably not.
Maybe the fact that I need that level of affection is telling in itself. Maybe the fact that I don’t know if I love you means that I don’t?
Maybe.. And more likely… the answer to this question is one that I already have- but have not admitted to knowing.
Ramble ramble ramble…
I’ve got my answer.
But I think it’s best for you to find that out for yourself.
