I shaved my legs for this?

I dont know who I am

Falling in love and opening yourself up to another is really hard. When you find out that it all meant nothing its devastating. I dont like what I’ve done. I dont like what I’ve become.

love new york ;) but i suppose it doesnt matter where i start over.. just as long as it happens!

and this whole having friends and going out and laughing and being respected- i honestly forgot what it was like.

it’s fucking amazing

so- in honor of me- enjoy!

http://selleckwaterfallsandwich.tumblr.com/

Tulip and Poppyseeds Journey 9.05

I wrote this for my little brother the night my grandpa died and read it to him the next morning. (i think he was age 4?)

Tulip and Poppyseeds Journy

Tulip and Poppyseed had a lovely time at tea, one afternoon.

Poppyseed said, you know Tulip, anytime you want to talk with me, just close your eyes, spread your wings and fly to me in your dreams.

Tulip thought this was a brilliant idea.

“But Poppyseed,” Tulip said, “What if I can’t find you?”

“Impossible!” said Poppyseed. I can be found always, because I’m always in your heart. All you need to do is think of something happy before you fly off to see me, and you’ll be here in a jiffy!”

“Alright Poppyseed, I’ll give it a try. I really will.”

Tulip closed his eyes, stretched his sparkling blue fairy wings far out, and yawned. You see, it was really quite late in the day and Tulip was already getting sleepy.

He thought and thought about something happy.

The first thing he thought about was how amaryllises always said “COLLIN OF THE WORLD!”

He giggled a little at that thought, and went on to think another.

He yawned again, made sure his eyes were tightly closed, and thought about a silly cat. Not just any cat though, Kali cat, dressed all in pink, with a hat with a HUGE feather on it. She was also playing the piano. How silly, Tulip thought! But, was that thought quite happy enough to take him to see Poppyseed?

It surely was, but Tulip decided to try one more time to find the best, funniest, and most wonderful happy thought he could think of.

This time, Tulip started off with an elf dance, followed by another yawn. He made sure his wings were stretched out, his eyes were closed tight, and his head firmly lying on a soft cushy pillow. You see, not only was it necessary for Tulip to be thinking happy thoughts, he also had fast asleep and dreaming to fly off to see Poppyseed. Suddenly, Tulip knew just what he would think about to make him happy!

Why, he’d just think about Poppyseed! He thought about all the times he and Poppyseed laughed about silly things, about all the questions Tulip had asked him, and the wonderful answers Poppyseed had given him in response. He remembered all the talks about construction and building materials, and about the wonderful times he had shared up in Vermont with Poppyseed. Finally, he thought about how much Poppyseed loved him, how important Tulip was to Poppyseed, and that thought made Tulip happy. Because Tulip loved Poppyseed too.

In the blink of an eye, Tulip sped off into the sky, to have yet another wonderful and magical visit with Poppyseed

When Tulip reached the cloud that Poppyseed now lived on, he was delighted to see Poppyseed waiting for him, holding his arms out ready to give him a HUGE, great big hug. He had missed Tulip very much, and Tulip had missed him.

They had a lovely visit, and Tulip promised to visit him soon. He promised to visit him that night in fact.

Hardest part is finally deciding 10.05

Written October 27, 2005

Love is so confusing

and the hardest part is finally deciding.

It’s tricky…
and you have to beg for the signs to show themselves
and it hurts.
but I promise you in the end you’ll be rewarded- it’s just the long journey getting there is understated and underappreciated
and unwanted.

Maybe there isn’t one true love 11.05

Written November 05, 2005

I had an interesting conversation with someone yesterday- which is pretty amazing in itself, I think, seeing how much we’ve been through together and all…
It was for the most part about relationships and society. (This is what I think about love at the moment-please tell me if you disagree) :)
I think that when it boils down to it- that love is just caring about someone and wanting to be with them.
I think that every person sees love differently- kinda like the way people see colors differently. I think that no one person can ever be sure about or really true to love, because there are too many differences in how people view it. The point is to find someone or someone(s) who you fit the best with- and maybe there isn’t one true love. Maybe.. there are many people who you are meant to be with in your life, people who are just as good and bad for you as the next person.
I think you’re supposed to just be happy- with whatever choice you make, or don’t make. Sometimes people rely on this definate love- maybe it doesn’t exisit at all. Life isn’t the movies- you won’t always get the girl/guy in the end. What’s definate though, is how you feel at any given moment- and in the next moment- you change. *Just like that*
So just be happy in your moment.

With you-in one sentence 9.03

Written September 26, 2003

Sleeping in this bed with you dreaming about tomorrow and the next flooded memories caught in the past over power smiles wondering if you’re happy and if you’ll stay with me forever wishing for you to love me wanting no one but you here in this time the reality in the back of mind once trapped pushing forward clouding desires hope struggling to find the words to express these thoughts to feel how you feel my constant need to relive and redo moments long over but what if tomorrow never comes there is no other chance to tell you how I feel if all we have is tonight I want you to know that I love you worries die to nothing lost tonight while dreaming of only now and not tomorrow or the next now slowly wakening from this dream not quite in reality though content with only loving you and staying half asleep.